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| Photo by Antonio Guillem |
Just because someone is good at articulating a philosophy doesn't mean they are always good at living it. In recent times I have struggled with anxiety and depression and needed to look to others to teach me how to quell it (while also having the help of medication.)
One idea I picked up from television. I assume the guy I saw being interviewed was Hugh Van Cuylenburg of The Resilience Project. I'm very familiar with the cover of his book from the library where I work, but have not, as yet, read it.
In talking about gratitude he suggested something very simple. Just write down three good things which happened each day.
I latched on to this and found myself ending each day by writing a list of around fifteen things which were positives. The key was that nothing was too small. A stranger returning my smile. A tasty meal. An enjoyable conversation.
A psychologist I've been seeing said that this is just the way to do such a technique. Those who are not helped often say each day : "I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health." The key is to draw attention to the little things which might go unappreciated.
We all tend to have a negativity bias. This makes sense as we need to be aware of dangers and to focus on problems in order to solve them. Our ancestors were more likely to die from being inattentive to negatives than unappreciative of positives. And if we feel a pain in some part of our body, it is a call to attend to a problem.
But sometimes the problem alert signal - in the form of anxiety or depression - becomes a hindrance to addressing the problem itself.
Keeping a gratefulness diary counters the negativity bias. We will still be able to focus on solving problems as needed, but by appreciating the things which go well we will draw more sustenance into our psyche with which to power those problem solving activities.
What I have found is that I am more likely to wake in the morning feeling optimistic and excited about the day to come because I have reason to believe that it will be filled with similar small but precious gifts to the one before.
My suggestions are :
1. Make the list just before going to bed.
2. Write down as many things as you feel like. If you can only think of one, write one. If you think of fifty write fifty.
3. Survey the day from start to finish in your memory, but don't feel you have to write things in chronological order. If you remember something afterwards, just add it to the end of the list. If you remember something the next day which you'd forgotten, you can always add it then.
4. Remember all your senses and how they can give you pleasure. (I always think of the Iranian movie A Taste of Cherry (1997) (dir. Abbas Kiarostami) in which one character tries to persuade another not to commit suicide by reminding him that to be dead is to forgo the pleasure of tasting a cherry.)
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